...bring....ring

my phone rang at 3 am this morning.
"...............ello?"
"hey is this bill?"
"........uh..hu.."
"hey this is danny"
i dont know a Danny.
wait.
do i?

"hey which bill are you?"
hmm you stole my question.
"ordeman"
"you know who i am?"
hell no
"um.....remind me"
"Avid"
wait its that skinny guy with the mustache. im pretty sure he smokes pot
"okay"
"hey i was wondering, can i get ten bucks from you?"

you can only imagine what i was thinking.
..
nothing actually, it was too early.

"um, ok. i'm going to school in 30 minuets, can i give it to you then?"
i would tell you why i said this, but
quite frankly because i have no idea why

"um..can i meet you somewhere instead?"
i think i have seen this guy 3 or 4 times.
tops.
"uh....no"
"well how about i stop by your house"
everything in me said N-O spells NO!
"ok"
"where do you live?"
"this cannot wait?"
"no"
for some reason i gave someone who i think is a druggie directions to my house to pick up ten dollars to very possibly spend on something illegal.
(i dont know how far ten dollars would go though)
(by the way - my parents dont need to know this)
i didnt think about why he might need ten dollars until he had already arrived at my flat.
i was too weirded out by the episode to think about motives.
"do you want me to bring you a pizza or something?"
"no...no thank you."
"ok im coming. on a bike"
ten minuets later im standing outside in my underwear giving ten one dollar bills to Daniel.
it was the weirdest experiance ever.
i feel really bad about it too.
i hope i wasnt supporting a bad habbit.

the joker and the hanger

i went to a white zebra show last night out in the middle of nowhere.
Rio Hondo.
maybe 8pm, already getting dark
we got off the expressway and drove down this farm road for like 30 minuets, i was waiting the car to run outa gas and slowly roll to a stop; then the lights would dim ever-so gently and we would have to walk to the nearest house to use a phone, at the same time be followed by a tall lanky man with a black mask and black eyes.
....
..
whatever.

so the show was at an airplane hanger (apparently Rio Hondo was once a hot spot for honeymooners and small families wanting a getaway to sunny south texas)

"where the hell are we" i said as the car parked and doors opened.
"for real" said ashley.

we walk towards a circle of 8-10 guys dressed in geto/american eagle attire.
"are you in the band?"
apperantly there is only one band playing
"i'm not but he is" i point to adrian.
"a'ight dude, its five bucks for you then"
five..
too much

"whatever"
i pay him.
what was i gonna do
after all they outnumbered us four to 1
well...
adrian probably wouldnt have stuck 'round

"it's a nice place for a show" i say
"yeah"
the ceiling ascends pretty high the room is huge (big enough to park a jet i suppose) and there is a "garage door" type-o-thing on the opposite wall.
hmmm... why didnt we come in that way.
on the ceiling in a couple of disco balls.
"nice"
i follow my friend andrea 'round back where we meet up with peeps sitting 'round a 'round table drinking booze and sharing stories.
i tilt my head and reach to the back of my neck to relieve some tension and am startled by the stars
so many
i think i saw Orions belt in 40 different places

perks of being a farmer i suppose

one of the kids at the show painted his face like the joker.
way to go kid.
your originality blows my mind.
please be my friend

white zebra had a rough start, herby messed up estebans main guitar and so he was using the tele. i could tell they couldnt hear each other, or they didnt care. the timing kept falling apart.
and at the last song a couple of fellows pulled out mats and two guys started a fight.
like we were in tai-kwon-do class.
one kid even wore some kind of balie outfit.
in short, i didnt understand it.
during that songs several zebra junkies went shirtless and started dancing on the stage.
after a while there must have 12 peolpe on the stage dancing, jumping, letting it out if you will.

turned out to be a good show

following zmorris = me right now

3 or less
21 times

reinventing my exit. locking closed doors. bottles of water. bare feet. yoga. filming. making new friends. my (blog) space. netflix. windows down. Jesus. napping. "Chemistry Wing". avoiding newspapers. cutting corners. avoiding atheist. mystery science theater. Fire Within. dumplings please. dream of escaping.

i hate talking about work

as i was leaving work,"my name is jonas" was playing in the background (i brought the blue album into work) and gil walks in and starts singing along.
SINGING THE WRONG LYRICS!

that's not even how it goes, gil
-it's not?
forget it, i'm leaving before you ruin it

so i left and kept my sanity.
close call though
close call

gil

its funny how you can forget there's a world outside yourself

outside yourself
where the trees keep growin' and the cars keep goin'
without you there
where the one who loves you keeps on living

-azure rey

last noche i was lying on my bed watching some MST3K episode and eating some danmarino
i closed my eyes.
i couldnt fall asleep.
i couldnt pass the second stage of sleep.
my eyes were closed, my body was tired, but my mind was racing.
it was so weird.
i was incredibly surprised at the speed.
i think in a nano-second i saw all the new people i had met that day (in mcallen) individually re-introduce themselves.

"Hi, im audry"
and i quickly judged them and labled them like you would in a video game (if you created each character).
"Hi, i'm Audry"
-cute, nice outfit, soft voice, big dork
"Hey man i'm Mark"
-brother of cute dork, also lacks social skills
"Hi, names Aaron"
-nice tats, they mean us, wait...what was his name?

it was like my mind was a rubix and some bored spirit was testing his skills
stop it!
i groaned and tossed and turned for i dont know how long.
i knew my body was at rest because when i moved it was heavy. like bricks.
bag of bricks in skin.

"God please make it stop!"
i was afriad to look at the clock, somehow i knew it was 4am.
the weekend is supposed to be for sleep and social life.
now that i think about it, maybe it was the candy..
maybe they added cocaine.
...or sugar

i dont remember when i actually fell asleep. but i suppose no one ever knows that.
i had a dream that i was with Mrs Hanson and some random people at an airport, a really really big one.
she left me in charge of getting these two guys on their next flight

"the need to be at the gate by 11:30"

she said
neither of them had ever flown before
one guy went looking for his love to tell her how he felt before he flew, naturally i followed him, we were supposed to stick together.
it was almost 12 and he still hadnot found her.

"oh my god, its ten till! we gotta go!"

i said
when we arrived at the gate i discovered the plane didnt leave until 1:30
=i wonder why she told us to be here so early?= i thought
that was my dream

interestingly enough i woke up early, with energy and alertness, as if my night had passed undesterbed.

guilty pleasure

i tried yoga today.
and i really liked it.
i did it solo so as not to embarrass myself. thanks to the internet i can learn without a classroom.
i feel good.
thats what i was going for,
a good feeling

entertaining a taqueria

alex

photography

i had this flashback in Grammer today.
in my minds eye i saw myself in a jeep (or subaru) looking out the window at some antelope skipping through some brush.
"what the heck?" i said allowed,
the girl sitting next to me slowly turned her head to see if i was talking to anyone.

=back in the cerebrum=
yeah, there were lots of african mammals. zebras...lions? maybe not.
when was i in africa? i thought to myself.
the closest place i could think of was that safari tour in san antonio.
yeah, thats where i was.
but when did i go there?

i thought hard.
i thought harder.
my brain was probably sweating.
i think i see Gabe.
he is wearing that red cap with that blue button up shirt.
not the nice one, the other.
and around his neck is....
a camera...
no.
....
binoculars thats it!

i closed my minds eye to see with my real ones.
(isnt that weird? like my hazel surveillance tapes stop rolling when im in thought.
ever wonder what you miss because you were caught up in your temporal lobe
"wow! did you see that? that guy just got hit by a car!"
"no i was thinking about water"
or
some chik - "oh my gosh, i cant believe i did that"
"did what?"
some chik-"you didnt see ??"
"no i was....out t.."
some chik-"o thank God, forget it"
or
guy in a suit- "would any red head in the room that wants a lifetime supply of nice things?"
.......
"bill!"
"hu, what?"
guy in a suit- "ok, any brunettes?")
maybe that day that i was in the san antonio safari, i was daydreaming, and all these untagged images i am seeing in my Grammer class are a result of memory never revisited.

i text pete and he tells me that we did spend a day in a africa together.
weird.
now i remember
i took a picture of a zebra to give to esteban.
but i never did.

when the truth comes out

remember that pregnant co-worker i have?
well here's what happened.

=so what's your major?
-oh, i'm studying Bilingual Education, going to be a teacher
=i see
-yeah, i need to work on my spanish though, it's kinda sloppy
=it's better than mine i can tell you that
-you see growing up, spanish was my first language, but after i started school i spoke mostly english even in my house, so i'm a little behind.
{{{{{my first mistake}}}}}
=what will you raise your son to speak?
-i dunno yet.
{{{{{trying to escape it i say}}}}}}}}
=my sister speaks english to her kids while my brother-in-law only speaks spanish
{{{{{like one hears a train engine from a mile away, i knew the topic was coming, i knew i was going to be put on the spot again. it was inescapable. what was i to do? continue my fictitious story about a girl named Julia and a wife with tattoos? no. its time to end this. kill the giant before he eats the crops}}}}}
-what are you going to teach your daughter? - she asks
{{{{{here it comes, the big surprise.}}}}}}
=uhmm.. well...you see...
{{{{{out with it you douche!}}}}}
=i uhh.. actually im not having a daughter. and ....... i'm not married
{{{{{i stare at the ground, ashamed to lift my heavy head. who was i kidding? apparently no one}}}}
-yeah i kinda figured.
{{{{{...hu.....what?..she doesnt mean that. of course she believed me! i played it perfectly!}}}}}
=r..r..really?
-well i was going to call you on it after you said it but i didnt want to upset you.
{{{{the nerve}}}
-it just didnt make sense, you can tell when someone is married

yeah thats true.