gilbert grapes

gilbert is the guy who thought The Mars Volta were called "Exoskeletal"
he is the guy who says my name every passing moment.
0101 -- how ya doin' there bill?
i think he talks to me like that because im white
0001 -- fine
0101 -- heeeeeyyy bill how's it hangin?
0001 -- ..........
i'm wearing the leopard skin bracelet that sylvia gave me, very punkish
and gil goes
0101 -- is that gorilla material you're wearin' there bill? made outa gorilla skin or what?
ha.
pretty funny.
he was pretty serious.

in other news
i ordered this shower curtain that is a picture taken of the empire state building near the forties, possibly fifties. its black and white. now i plan to paint the bathroom a dark grey with a fabric like texture. gimme some ideas

i planted a tree today!

Julia

i think it was I who started this rumor at work,
i dont really remember why, how or when
maybe it was a joke i dont remember
but it's becoming harder to play
the role of a married father-to-be

the Word out is that i am married and having my first child next month.
it was kinda fun to play mind poker with a couple of employees but yesterday i was kinda put in a corner.

and somehow made it out.

cheryl is on register and is pregnant.
....haha
cheryl is pregnant on register
........well that didnt go very far..

alex said "cheryl, tell me a story"
someone in the back said
"how'd you get knocked up"
"haha"
cheryl then goes
"tell william about the birds and the bees?"
haha....
maybe i do dress like a child.
i dont act like one.
well....
anyway its not important
(yea it is)
(william this isnt part of the story)
(OK, fine)

then alex says
"actually william's wife is pregnant!"
uh oh.
"really?!"
i brought Hemingway to a Shakespear conference
i wore my Hanna Montana shirt to a Wolfmother concert
"uh yeah"
then cheryl started the interview
i felt like how Bush might have felt trying to explain Iraq
"is it a boy or girl?"
my wife? "a giiiirrrl??"
"the baby silly"
"o yes, a girl"
"when is she due?"
"2 months, october 28"
"so, next month?"
"wow, yes! i guess so"
so "we" are going to name "her" Julia, and "we" have her crib set up, and it is going to be a natural child birth but i think my "wife" will cave and beg for the epideral after serveral hours.
im lucky i knew some baby stuff.

so now, just about everyone thinks i will be a father in a month.

what's interesting is, as i was playing this role i kind of wished it was true.
i mean, i wanna do other stuff first, but
it felt good saying that i was starting my family,
that i was going to have a child.

strawberries

today i saw this girl i knew high school
werent friends or nutin
i dont even remember her name,
but valley christian is so small, you see the whole school every 50 minuets.
anyways, i was walking down the hall and she was near the end of it,
i searched out every possible way to avoid walking right by her, but the only way of escape would be to bust a 180 and that would be too obvious, too rude.
*sigh*

she tilts her head diagonally and squints her eyes as i draw closer to my awkward confrontation with a familiar stranger.

"hi" i say and stretch out my shallow hand
her face still contorted with confusion she reaches for my hand and says
"do i know you?"
BURN

i mean seriously i must have seen this girl everyday for maybe 2 years, VCHS only had like one hallway

i have my "phantom planet" pretty loud but i still heard her friends giggle

i pull my hand back
"seriously? then never mind"
i roll my eyes, pivot my foot and keep walkin
she says something in the brownsville whiny dialect,
i turn around (maybe shouldnt have) and say
"high school?" and then throw an invisible wad of toilet paper at her.
"wait" she says
but i dont

well.
i showed her!
lol.

it was funny, and i walked away a bad ass.
so i win.

i wonder what will happen if i see her again?
hmm...
please - advice for possible scenarios
anyone?

oh yeah and she is a total fresa

under where?

the zhite webra video project is underway.
i went to a practice on thursday and got some "ok" fotoge.
them practicing, them discussing the songs, them discussing themselves over ciggs,
the whole bit, it was a good first day.
unfortunately esteban wasn't even there,
so its half useless,
but only half.

tomorrow will be the first recorded show.
what fun!

yesterday we were listening to the new Mars Volta cd at work right.
so i work with this rather annoying character named Gilbert.
he says my name all the time,
"heeeeeeeyyyyy Bill"
for no reason.
just to get on my nerves i guess.
but i mean like every 2mins.
"heeeeeyyyyy Bill"

"you dont listen to music much do you?", i told him,
"no i do why? why Bill? hu bill? hu?"...
..i swear..
"because you dont stop talking while it's playing"
so he asked me who it was and i told him i wasn't going to tell him,
everyone should like Volta, but this guy could give them a bad rep, know what i mean?

so you know what he guessed?
flyleaf!
lol
and then he guessed marilyn manson!
lol
and then demon hunter!
lol

oh i had quite a laugh

little people

i went for a bike ride tonight.
i was just listening to "23" and staring at the sky.
i watched the heavy, grey columbus clouds saunter their way across the dark blue sky and thought to myself,
"we are really small."

we think we are so in control of everything, and have compartmentalized the universe according to our perspective,
but we are so small.

our tall building and our street lights, really seem pitiful.
i think about a guy in NYC lying on his back on the tallest building in Manhattan and forgetting about the legos below him.

it's really beautiful outside.
i love God.
he has become "dad",
he is such a beautiful person.
people who don't understand him are scared
or mad because they are scared.
or mad because they cant control.
but he wanted to show me his art,
he wanted to show me that i matter to him.
a lot.

yup.

morris

old friends that never get old

i was with carrie at ihop talking about our friends and how amazing they are.
people we never want to grow apart from-
carlos
esteban
andrea
adrian
(herself)
(myself)
javi
even though we dont see each other as often, the dynamic we make with each other is amazing

carlos is such an amazing person.
we decided that the reason he is so awkward is because he is always himself with every group of people.
he always has been, as long as i remember at least.
he doesnt know how to play the part, which is amazing!
i admire that about him.

anyway, i hope we never grow 'too' far apart.

love

maybe a little let down

so i got my camera yesterday,
took it mcd's, cinemark, josh's house
and its cool..
.....
but......the audio is a little choppy.
static, voices sound fuzzy,
and i'm a little discouraged
maybe a little let down

if i recorded a white zebra show, it would sound really bad.
sooo
i'm going to use another camera to help me do the WZ video,
maybe we could use both, morris with one me with the other,
we could then have 2 options of video and use the audio from the better quality camera.
hmmm..

even so, it'll be fun.

my parents and i talked about changing my major,
apparently English majors dont have many job opportunities after their diploma.
what most of them end up doing is editing.
which probably isnt fun.
i only chose english because i like to read and write.
hmm.
some of them write instruction manual's and advertisements and such, which would be better i suppose.
what if i became a screenwriter?

anyway, instead of changing my major, i think i'm gonna take on a double major.
maybe
communication - blah
journalism - not one for conflict
teaching - maybe
graphic design - a field that sounds interesting

that's all i've come up with

WZ in HD!!

i had a cool idea today,

so tomorrow i'm supposed to be getting my HD video-camera in the mail,
so i was thinking to meself,
"what will i do with it?"

then it came to me,
make a video about White Zebra!
but then i thought it sounded to cliche, like would they even want to have a video about them.

so i called esteban and he was like,
"naw dude, its a cool idea, i would do it"
not real enthusiastic about it but enough to keep the idea around,
i thought it and then he said it,
"call adrian and see what he thinks"
so i did, and he thought it was a great idea, he had talked about doing something like that before.

sweet!

so morris should be getting my message today because i will mos def need his help and ideas.
its like an art project! with music!
our first film!

sunglasses

he always get here late and we dont do anything the first 10 min.
like it's 7:20 and he's just glued to his computer.
good mornin.
computer Lit.

i miss Kansas City.
i wish i could spend the afternoon with all my FMA friends,
i wish i could go to a EGS service tonight.

but
i'm not going to .
-------------------------------------------------------------
i dont really talk in the morning, (i type lol!!)
you would have figured my parents would just not ask me things,
"what's goin on today, son?"
"........."
"what's on the agenda? =0!"
".....uh....."
"ready for school??"
"mm...uh...sss....hummm....."
as hard as i try to project, everything i say is mumble,
like looking at someone through a glass vase,
just blury
i guess i dont answer most of em.

another hurricane?

today i left my ipod at the house this morning so i was at school the whole morning without music.
at first im like
"damn!"
but secretly i was like,
"im going to enjoy this"
and im pretty happy i left it.

mind you, i am listening to it right now
but
driving to school in silence felt really good.
my ears were able to "breath" while i walked to class if you know what i mean.
it turned out to be ok.
whadyaknow

i leave my phone at home a couple times a month (on purpose), but never my ipod.
i just forgot the treasure of silence. if i had more instrumental music to listen to as i sleep, i might never have silence.
when my ipod is with me i just have to play it,
what am i? wasteful?
never!

***just forgetful i suppose

intelligence

last night was a good show.
because Rush is such a big place we were able to dance without stepping on each other.
although i hit morris
lol.
oops.
during the intro to "yellow flies" they broke into "My Sharona!" for like ten seconds, that was fun.
carlos and i looked at each other like
"WTF??"

in the parking lot there were a line of cars coming in for like two hours.
like just pulling in, with tejano or rap really loud.
it was like the dollar theater.
they would drive near the door and just look at us, like
"what up"
i'm sorry we werent invited to your tailgate party, i wish i could drive in circles for 2 hours and call it socializing.

mind you we were at Rush.
there was already a good number of cars in the lot before the got there.
it was like when kids walk in a straight line to lunch holding hands.
only with p-diddy
only in cars.
i'm just not getting it yet.

by the time white zebra was done, there were only like 15-20 of us.
i liked that.
it's weird but at least once a day i see someone at school who looks just like someone i knew at ihop.
actually it just happened right now.

listening to Sean Lennon right now.
he's got a nice voice.
a japanese- english singer.

when i am at the pearly gates, this will be on my videotape

i need more patience,
i'm seriously getting pretty frustrated with people down here.
not like "persons"
like people.

when i encounter someone who really annoys me two images come up in my mind.
1. -=-=-my tallest finger flying solo right in their face
2.=-=-=jesus smiling.

this might amuse you, but im really serious.
God remind me to take my jesus pill.

i'm trying to enjoy my brownsville life, really i am.
i was telling somebody the other day how like, to find long lasting friends in browntown you have to really look (its small enough for clicks to exist, ya know?)
but once you find those people, you dont wanna leave 'cause they're amazing.

i want to go to that orphanage in san benito sometime.

i went to target yesterday and saw this camcorder there for 129$ and i had 140$ in pocket, when asked to buy it they didnt have any.
isnt that just karmatic?
(karma + matic = karmatic)
i didnt even want one before i walked in the store.
and now i need one.

so my new music -
a Jimi Hendrix Album (very happy with it)
a Deep Purple Album (havent spent enough time with it)

i joined this film club at school.
we'll see how that goes

weird tension

im feelin this weird tension growing.
it's like bottled sprite that's been shoke too much.
like how the earth rumbles before a volcano.
the feeling a kid gets when he's about to be yelled at.

i feel like it's coming from the people or culture around me,
and all that anger is against God.
not everywhere, not everybody, not even the majority of the time,
but i feel more and more often this raising up of fist at our invisible Lover.
in Politics
at School
in some of my favorite music.

it's kinda scaring me.
i've never been a prophet, or a fortune teller,
i'm just saying i gotta feeling.

i dunno.
i REALLY REALLY REALLY hate confrontation.
maybe thats why im so sensitive to the tension.
do you feel it though?

computer lit. for the blind

i am seriously being taught how to minimize a window.
seriously?
serious.
and its 8 in the mornin.

today i wore this cool green headband,
and before i got out of my car i looked in the mirror and muttered something like,
"i look like a kid"
i guess what shocked me was the fact that i wanted to dress my age, like dress more like a grown up.
dear god,
am i growing up?

whatever ,
i wore it anyway