(@#$%^&*)
when your driving home from a friends house and you start thinking about life
death cab sing your soul to rest as the wind whispers in your ear stories about where it has been
the expressway rolls under your feet like a yoga ball
-i wonder why people are out so late- you think to yourself
you start to wonder where you will be next year, where will God take you
-will i be the same person?-
-will i hear what im hearing now?-
you finally start to relax.
you close your eyes and your car lifts off the ground and you find yourself soaring through the air
higher and higher you go, your hair dancing behind you
you approach a mountain and their sits Jesus. sitting on a cliff. high on a dark mountain but somehow you just know its him.
your car disappears as an invisible parachute lightly carries you to sit next to him.
nothing is said, no words are needed.
you sit next to him and watch the city until you fall asleep on his shoulder.
29.11.08
28.11.08
evolution
Dr. Lehker sat on the desk in front row and planted his feet on the seat
"so what do we do about religion?" he said
half the class leaned forward and rested their head on their hands.
this doesnt sound like the useless fish and frog jargon.
"we cannot dismiss religion. let me demonstrate.
if i am in my new BMW at the end of an alley at midnight and i see a small group of young men dressed rather 'loose', i am not going to depend on science as my judgement. i have this knot in my stomach. this uncomfortable feeling.
science cannot explain this" he says
so what's the answer?
"'so what's the answer?' you might be asking yourself"
he continues
"the evidence for evolution is overwhelming. evolution tells us where we came from. it cannot answer why we are here, or what is our purpose. that is where religion comes in."
but what about....
"evolution however tells us we came from a common ancestor, religion tells us God created us. so which is true?"
i here some people behind begin to talk about what they are doing tomorrow.
really?..
"to our minds, to our logic, we think one is true and one is false. we think black and white. yes or no. never both, never fully both. but i believe both are fully true."
hmm....
every time i see a picture of some '500,000' year old skull i try to imagine what it really is. how old it actually is. maybe an extinct species. my mind cannot wrap around it.
i believe the bible fully. even if it seems to have contradictions, it has no contradictions. it is perfect, it tells us about God because he wrote it. maybe some dont like the way it's written, but who's going to change God?
but evolution is still there, floating around.
i dont know what to do with it.
and i have to study it every day for the final.\=(
"so what do we do about religion?" he said
half the class leaned forward and rested their head on their hands.
this doesnt sound like the useless fish and frog jargon.
"we cannot dismiss religion. let me demonstrate.
if i am in my new BMW at the end of an alley at midnight and i see a small group of young men dressed rather 'loose', i am not going to depend on science as my judgement. i have this knot in my stomach. this uncomfortable feeling.
science cannot explain this" he says
so what's the answer?
"'so what's the answer?' you might be asking yourself"
he continues
"the evidence for evolution is overwhelming. evolution tells us where we came from. it cannot answer why we are here, or what is our purpose. that is where religion comes in."
but what about....
"evolution however tells us we came from a common ancestor, religion tells us God created us. so which is true?"
i here some people behind begin to talk about what they are doing tomorrow.
really?..
"to our minds, to our logic, we think one is true and one is false. we think black and white. yes or no. never both, never fully both. but i believe both are fully true."
hmm....
every time i see a picture of some '500,000' year old skull i try to imagine what it really is. how old it actually is. maybe an extinct species. my mind cannot wrap around it.
i believe the bible fully. even if it seems to have contradictions, it has no contradictions. it is perfect, it tells us about God because he wrote it. maybe some dont like the way it's written, but who's going to change God?
but evolution is still there, floating around.
i dont know what to do with it.
and i have to study it every day for the final.\=(
23.11.08
video vomit
a party that wasnt really kikin'
even a kid came
(he sat next to me)
Untitled from gene starwind on Vimeo.
even a kid came
(he sat next to me)
Untitled from gene starwind on Vimeo.
21.11.08
last pics
squat 
that bridge was built in the 11th century. 
we actually were smuggled into the house we stayed in. i think at the time we thought we looked funny
somewhat cheesy portrait
i couldnt understand 'em
listening to the smiths
well i got my acceptance letter from UNT (north texas)
and yesterday i sent off my transcript to Texas State in San Marcos
so i'm giving myself options
2
count 'em
2 options
i felt the sting of jet lag this morning.
my mind woke me up at 2:17AM
...nooooo.. (i grunted)
my voice was rather deep.
parched.
.water
i have to crap...
i slide my body out of bed and onto the floor like i was body surfing my blanket.
on the floor now.
push up,
knees in,
head up,
stand up.
plenty to think about on the john.
...........
after.
i stumble downstairs, trying to convince my flesh that i'm actually tired and i'm itching to go back to bed.
but my flesh didnt by it.
"you're not tired you liar"
"o come on! give me a break you freckly flesh!"
"no sleeping!"
fine
so heat up some milk.
i think that is supposed to help.
i eat a piece of swiss on wheat
and grade a composition paper.
i dont think i fell asleep until 6:15
7am -BEEP! BEEP!
...ugh.
today's gonna suck.
Joel Osteen - "Don't think that! speak life into your day! Today is going to be a great day!"
hmm.
maybe if i heard someone else say it.
so while im lying in bed i do some thinking
if im going to UNT the best music school in the state, i should at least minor in music, it such a good opportunity.
i visioned myself on a cruise ship playing a grand piano every night as the overweight retiree's and sexy newly-weds had dinner in their fancy dresses and suits
a major in creative writing and a minor in music.
job?
barista probably.
should i do what i love, give my ten percent and let God do the math
or
should i get a buisiness degree and earn money and pay for a father-in-law's trust.
hmm
hmm
><><><><
and yesterday i sent off my transcript to Texas State in San Marcos
so i'm giving myself options
2
count 'em
2 options
i felt the sting of jet lag this morning.
my mind woke me up at 2:17AM
...nooooo.. (i grunted)
my voice was rather deep.
parched.
.water
i have to crap...
i slide my body out of bed and onto the floor like i was body surfing my blanket.
on the floor now.
push up,
knees in,
head up,
stand up.
plenty to think about on the john.
...........
after.
i stumble downstairs, trying to convince my flesh that i'm actually tired and i'm itching to go back to bed.
but my flesh didnt by it.
"you're not tired you liar"
"o come on! give me a break you freckly flesh!"
"no sleeping!"
fine
so heat up some milk.
i think that is supposed to help.
i eat a piece of swiss on wheat
and grade a composition paper.
i dont think i fell asleep until 6:15
7am -BEEP! BEEP!
...ugh.
today's gonna suck.
Joel Osteen - "Don't think that! speak life into your day! Today is going to be a great day!"
hmm.
maybe if i heard someone else say it.
i feel like i've givin 90% of my life to Jesus
Mike said once "Living for Jesus with 99% obedience is the hardest thing to do. but once you give that 1% grace and peace kick in." i hate living in that tension. but i love my self so well.
take me Lord!
so while im lying in bed i do some thinking
if im going to UNT the best music school in the state, i should at least minor in music, it such a good opportunity.
i visioned myself on a cruise ship playing a grand piano every night as the overweight retiree's and sexy newly-weds had dinner in their fancy dresses and suits
a major in creative writing and a minor in music.
job?
barista probably.
should i do what i love, give my ten percent and let God do the math
or
should i get a buisiness degree and earn money and pay for a father-in-law's trust.
hmm
hmm
><><><><
17.11.08
16.11.08
incomplete story
Blogs falling from the 5th story
Outside I hear children laughing and chatting and chasing each other in a small parking lot within a neighborhood. The apartments and structures around them are poorly build concrete towers now building walls inside their brains. Only their imagination can take them to a field large enough for a city wide game of tag. They belong in a valley. They should be skipping along mountain tops.
I’m staying with a family in a different city from whence we last spoke. This family owns this house which is really more like an apartment. Five floors. But each floor is petite, maybe three rooms.
I’m sleeping on the top floor (on the roof you could say) overlooking the city. It’s 10pm and it’s beautiful. The neon Chinese characters. The honking cars. The ringing bells from bicycles.
City chatter after hours you might say
A city that doesn’t sleep you might call it
earlier we were sitting in the living room drinking tea when one of the sons came in and spoke something in Chinese to his parents. His face was stern, his stature unshaken. His parents, I’m going to say, harshly whispered a string of unknown words towards and my translator companions.
“We need to get upstairs”
before a second thought, I saw everyone was grabbing their bags, scurrying into the dark like mice.
“come bee-lee!”
We were moving rather quickly up the dim lit staircase. There was just enough like to see your feet finding their next step.
When we got to the top, Tom told me,
“some of their relatives had just arrived and they are not believers. We didn’t want to risk anything.”
It is not uncommon for family members to turn in their own kin because of house church felonies.
that happened right before I started typing this post. (which, along with the others, I hope to post tomorrow)
Outside I hear children laughing and chatting and chasing each other in a small parking lot within a neighborhood. The apartments and structures around them are poorly build concrete towers now building walls inside their brains. Only their imagination can take them to a field large enough for a city wide game of tag. They belong in a valley. They should be skipping along mountain tops.
I’m staying with a family in a different city from whence we last spoke. This family owns this house which is really more like an apartment. Five floors. But each floor is petite, maybe three rooms.
I’m sleeping on the top floor (on the roof you could say) overlooking the city. It’s 10pm and it’s beautiful. The neon Chinese characters. The honking cars. The ringing bells from bicycles.
City chatter after hours you might say
A city that doesn’t sleep you might call it
earlier we were sitting in the living room drinking tea when one of the sons came in and spoke something in Chinese to his parents. His face was stern, his stature unshaken. His parents, I’m going to say, harshly whispered a string of unknown words towards and my translator companions.
“We need to get upstairs”
before a second thought, I saw everyone was grabbing their bags, scurrying into the dark like mice.
“come bee-lee!”
We were moving rather quickly up the dim lit staircase. There was just enough like to see your feet finding their next step.
When we got to the top, Tom told me,
“some of their relatives had just arrived and they are not believers. We didn’t want to risk anything.”
It is not uncommon for family members to turn in their own kin because of house church felonies.
that happened right before I started typing this post. (which, along with the others, I hope to post tomorrow)
Stuck in square one
Stuck in square one
To end the sermon and release the patient pastors, dad says, “Go ahead and say hello to some people and we will take a break” just like that.
The translator translates..
The funny thing was, the Chinese people stood up and turned to their neighbor and said “Hello!” in a sad but sympathized manner. It was almost a joke, not how they spoke, but that they followed him exactly. A lot of things are taken literally here.
A few minutes later and butler walks in and flicks the light on and off. For a nano-secound my hands perspired and my eyes widened. A man in a uniform walks into an illegal meeting with ex-prisoners and “cult” leaders and his uniform color just happens to be green. How would you react?
Yesterday we arrive at our final destination: a resort in southern China right on the beach. Papa and I took a walk along the beach. The sand was coarse because of the crushed shell. We walked away from the buildings and towards blissful nothingness.
We found fishing boats laying on the shore. Rafts made from long, bent pieces of wood held together with rope and fisherman’s hope (you might say). I don’t know how such things stay together. They looked so primitive. So B.C. or at least B.20th century. “Premature” if you will. They had oars leaning against each raft, and a little flag too.
And the unanswerable question came.
“why am I here?”
I suddenly see God seeing me seeing myself. I am just a couple of pieces of honest wood tied together with hope. Not even my hope. His hope. As he sees me seeing myself, I am sure He sees my reaction of
“uhh,” “eww” and “grow up”
I seem so premature.
will I ever grow up?
will I ever become the guy I’ve heard God talk about with his angels?
“There’s my son, isn’t he beautiful?”
I’m staring at my pile of wood.
God is staring at his romance cruise.
Why am I here?
He has hope for me.
that is enough for now
Saturday and Sunday night I am going to some youth meetings to share about God knows what. (I say that because he actually does.)
pray for me.
=)
To end the sermon and release the patient pastors, dad says, “Go ahead and say hello to some people and we will take a break” just like that.
The translator translates..
The funny thing was, the Chinese people stood up and turned to their neighbor and said “Hello!” in a sad but sympathized manner. It was almost a joke, not how they spoke, but that they followed him exactly. A lot of things are taken literally here.
A few minutes later and butler walks in and flicks the light on and off. For a nano-secound my hands perspired and my eyes widened. A man in a uniform walks into an illegal meeting with ex-prisoners and “cult” leaders and his uniform color just happens to be green. How would you react?
Yesterday we arrive at our final destination: a resort in southern China right on the beach. Papa and I took a walk along the beach. The sand was coarse because of the crushed shell. We walked away from the buildings and towards blissful nothingness.
We found fishing boats laying on the shore. Rafts made from long, bent pieces of wood held together with rope and fisherman’s hope (you might say). I don’t know how such things stay together. They looked so primitive. So B.C. or at least B.20th century. “Premature” if you will. They had oars leaning against each raft, and a little flag too.
And the unanswerable question came.
“why am I here?”
I suddenly see God seeing me seeing myself. I am just a couple of pieces of honest wood tied together with hope. Not even my hope. His hope. As he sees me seeing myself, I am sure He sees my reaction of
“uhh,” “eww” and “grow up”
I seem so premature.
will I ever grow up?
will I ever become the guy I’ve heard God talk about with his angels?
“There’s my son, isn’t he beautiful?”
I’m staring at my pile of wood.
God is staring at his romance cruise.
Why am I here?
He has hope for me.
that is enough for now
Saturday and Sunday night I am going to some youth meetings to share about God knows what. (I say that because he actually does.)
pray for me.
=)
9.11.08
put this in the "informative" column
tomorrow i fly to china.
prepare yourself for video blogs.
i getting up at 4 30
and its midnight now.
prepare yourself for video blogs.
i getting up at 4 30
and its midnight now.
what a waster
San antonio was nice,
Saturday night we went downtown.
we saw SA night life.
t'was ok.
im not sure if i love being alone or i hate it.
i suppose it's more enjoyable when it is planned.
the other day i saw a friend of mine at Best Buy,
it went like this.
"Hi!"
"o hey! whats up? haven't seen you in a while"
she is wearing her blue polo with a yellow tag, so she didnt have much time.
"we are going to alix's tonight, you should come!"
i knew i had plans that night, the probability of me going was pretty shy.
but those eyes.
big, hopeful, childlike eyes. sparkling like stars. i was caught in a daze.
"of coarse i will!"
damn.
what do i do now ? ignore her calls?
be a jerk.
but how could i say no to those innocent brown eyes.
like two coffee rings on the breakfast table, left from that wonderful morning together.
her eyes are moist. not from tears only from sincerity.
innocence.
innocence is beautiful to look at but hard to follow.
so it seems
Saturday night we went downtown.
we saw SA night life.
t'was ok.
im not sure if i love being alone or i hate it.
i suppose it's more enjoyable when it is planned.
the other day i saw a friend of mine at Best Buy,
it went like this.
"Hi!"
"o hey! whats up? haven't seen you in a while"
she is wearing her blue polo with a yellow tag, so she didnt have much time.
"we are going to alix's tonight, you should come!"
i knew i had plans that night, the probability of me going was pretty shy.
but those eyes.
big, hopeful, childlike eyes. sparkling like stars. i was caught in a daze.
"of coarse i will!"
damn.
what do i do now ? ignore her calls?
be a jerk.
but how could i say no to those innocent brown eyes.
like two coffee rings on the breakfast table, left from that wonderful morning together.
her eyes are moist. not from tears only from sincerity.
innocence.
innocence is beautiful to look at but hard to follow.
so it seems
3.11.08
sometimes i feel i've got to
(du du)...get away
snip snip snip.
"have you seen Marley?"
snip snip
"naw dude, who's Marley?"
"Carlos gave me a great dane."
"Marley?"
"yeah its what your thinking"
snip snip. brush brush.
"what am i thinking?"
"Bob Marley"
"oh right"
Marley is actually quite a character.
BTW- Marley is a she
although she's only 3 months, she stands the highth of my knee.
ruff. ruff.
her dalmation colored fur draws my attention.
i leisurely let gravity take my hand. it descends down aiming at her cranium but her tongue catches its fall.
..
.ew.
"dude the crazy thing is her eyes"
he said it just like that
"one is grey and one is blue"
a sky blue rather.
..interesting.
he asks=
"want some wings?"
chomp chomp chomp
they're not really that hot
"my sister's friend brought them over last night"
i ask rhetorically,
"you know what weird?"
"not really no"
hmm... sarcasm..
"like my mom will call me and say something like,
and ill be like
and then immediately my dad will text and ask
i know he just heard her talk to me on the phone and yet he feels the need to tell me a second time.
isnt that weird?"
"yeah dude my parents do that all the time. like my mom will call and be like
and ill be like
and then my dad will call and ask
and immediately ill say
and he goes
and i say
yeah i dont know why they do that."
snip snip snip.
"have you seen Marley?"
snip snip
"naw dude, who's Marley?"
"Carlos gave me a great dane."
"Marley?"
"yeah its what your thinking"
snip snip. brush brush.
"what am i thinking?"
"Bob Marley"
"oh right"
Marley is actually quite a character.
BTW- Marley is a she
although she's only 3 months, she stands the highth of my knee.
ruff. ruff.
her dalmation colored fur draws my attention.
i leisurely let gravity take my hand. it descends down aiming at her cranium but her tongue catches its fall.
..
.ew.
"dude the crazy thing is her eyes"
he said it just like that
"one is grey and one is blue"
a sky blue rather.
..interesting.
he asks=
"want some wings?"
chomp chomp chomp
they're not really that hot
"my sister's friend brought them over last night"
i ask rhetorically,
"you know what weird?"
"not really no"
hmm... sarcasm..
"like my mom will call me and say something like,
i need you to do such and such for me, where are you?
and ill be like
im kinda busy, but ill be there ASAP
and then immediately my dad will text and ask
hey where are you? your mom needs help
i know he just heard her talk to me on the phone and yet he feels the need to tell me a second time.
isnt that weird?"
"yeah dude my parents do that all the time. like my mom will call and be like
where are you?
and ill be like
with friends
and then my dad will call and ask
hey, what are you doing?
and immediately ill say
hey where are you right now?
and he goes
at the house
and i say
isnt mom with you?
ya
didnt you just hear her talk to me?
yeah i dont know why they do that."
1.11.08
>_>
jesus really only gave us two commandments.
-Love God
-Love people
and they have to be in that order.
so here's how i see it.
when people try to obey the first but ignore the second. people become religious.
i think people who genuinely want to obey the first will eventually find to second.
but some dont really want the first.
others will try to do the second before doing the first,
Jesus will eventually test their hearts and they will become real.
but trying to fulfill the second without God is
----\
Humanism
----/
and i think Obama is the picture of humanism in america.
not saying McCain follows either commandment.
i guess one is better than neither
but it won't work. they both have to be fulfilled
thus no government will ever work until jesus returns.
only he can and will fulfill both commandments.
-------------------
well thats my soapbox
-------------------
=
(other topic)
i hate it when your with some friends and you see some girl and you think
"you are the most beautiful girl in the room
the whole wide room"
and then you realized she has no wits and has the maturity level of your niece.
dang..
well.. not like i was going to ask her out..
i guess you just create this idea that she is as witty as she is attractive.
you find out stuff like,
- she doesnt know who sang "Hey Jude"
- she thought the Casablanca was too slow
- she listens to the radio
she on a different level.
==
David Cook is performing on SNL
i cant stand him.
i would expect him to be on the radio.
--=--=--=
-Love God
-Love people
and they have to be in that order.
so here's how i see it.
when people try to obey the first but ignore the second. people become religious.
i think people who genuinely want to obey the first will eventually find to second.
but some dont really want the first.
others will try to do the second before doing the first,
Jesus will eventually test their hearts and they will become real.
but trying to fulfill the second without God is
----\
Humanism
----/
and i think Obama is the picture of humanism in america.
not saying McCain follows either commandment.
i guess one is better than neither
but it won't work. they both have to be fulfilled
thus no government will ever work until jesus returns.
only he can and will fulfill both commandments.
-------------------
well thats my soapbox
-------------------
=
(other topic)
i hate it when your with some friends and you see some girl and you think
"you are the most beautiful girl in the room
the whole wide room"
and then you realized she has no wits and has the maturity level of your niece.
dang..
well.. not like i was going to ask her out..
i guess you just create this idea that she is as witty as she is attractive.
you find out stuff like,
- she doesnt know who sang "Hey Jude"
- she thought the Casablanca was too slow
- she listens to the radio
she on a different level.
==
David Cook is performing on SNL
i cant stand him.
i would expect him to be on the radio.
--=--=--=
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