after my piano class i wanted to ask Terri something (piano teacher/dean of students) so i walked in and took a seat.
the question was basically about 'when will i be less selfish and have a pure heart and act like Jesus.' i was frustrated with my weakness
she said maturity in God will come, but i was being selfish by asking such from God.
like i was loving God to get something from him.
this great quote the other day in the book "Being still" by a french contemplative, he said "the emotion we have with being near someone we love is never as important as the person themself"
the best thing i could do, Terri said, was be grateful that God loves me even though i am self-centered. Gaze on his beauty she said.
the truth is, God loves me without expecting anything in return, even my devotion. "He causes the sun so shine on evil and the good, just and unjust" - Jesus
we think the more we love God and give ourselves to Him, the more He will love us, but that is eros love, it is our mindset we inherited from eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
How do i know i love God then? how do i know that i'm not just trying to get something?
thats what i asked myself last night.
i know i love God, because the fact that i want more of Him and desire to know him proves that His seed is in me. the hunger for God cannot be produced without God. (phil 1:6) (also because of 1 John 5:10)
so even though my motives for doing things (righteous things) arent always 100% pure, i know God has placed himself in me because i want Him.
and the more mature i become in God the more fruit of the Spirit i will see.
its a life-long process though.
so i'm not going to be frustrated with myself when i think, walk and act selfishly, instead i must fix my eyes on my Father and meditate on his love.
after all i change my heart, only He and he will.
He is so kind and faithful.
really,
He is faithful to the end
2 comments:
I remember at times I'd ask God "God, why was I made as emotional as I am?" of course with more emphasis : /
...and I wonder if a prayer to change me would even make sense cz I would kinda go against how I was made, did I wanna be like others?
Then it hit me, not right away of course. The concept of God being made strong in our weakness. It has made sense in that part or my life like no other, cz its weird cz its almost like a super power.
From seeing something wrong/ troubling within people. I can just see it when no one else can. Then they're like "whoa how could you tell."
plus I will admit I can pretty much social hack most people, but I try not to, though its deviously fun.oops
good point. his strength in our weakness. by the way thanks for leaving me comments :)
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